Time

It's amazing how fast time flies by. It feels like just yesterday that I arrived here is Massachusettes and started college. Now the semester is almost over and exams are looming. Soon, I will be in Seattle with Aaron and Alison. I can't wait to see them and catch up. After my vacation with my friends on the West Coast, I will finally be returning Oakdale for the rest of the summer. I can't wait to finally go home. I wonder how everyone is. Has anyone changed? I'm sure my grandmother is still my grandmother. That's one thing I know will never change! Luke's having a hard time, I hope I can help him in any way he needs me. Aunt Lily's pregnant and I'm so excited about my newest cousin! I wonder if the baby is a boy or girl. Mike and Katie have finally set a date! The wedding is set for June. I'm so happy for Aunt Katie, I hope I will be able to attend the ceremony! I know it will be beautiful. I hear that my grandmother's new book, Oakdale Confidential, is causing quite the stir. I can't wait to read it and find out who wrote it! Sounds juicy!

Summer Plans

So, since there is only a little over a month left of school, I've been thinking about what I'm going to do this summer. I already have my road trip planned with Alison and Aaron in May after exams, but what about the rest of the summer? What I'm trying to get at is that I think I want to go home to Oakdale this summer. Dusty's death has really taken a toll on me and I've realized that I can't take anything for granted. It's been so long since I've seen my family. I haven't seen them, except my mom, since I left for Williams. I haven't seen Daddy since he went away to prison. I hope he's ok and knows that, no matter what he's done, that I still, and always will, love him. I miss Aunt Lily, Uncle Holden, and Luke, Faith, and Natalie. I could even baby sit the girls this summer. With Aunt Lily being pregnant, I know she'll need the rest and I'd love to spend time with my little cousins. Luke could definitely use someone around. This Jade girl seems very suspicious, I hope he keeps his guard up around her. And I miss my grandmother so very much. She's my hero and I want to be there for her since I couldn't while she was going through her surgery. I don't know what I'd do if I lost her and I want to spend as much time as I can with her. Finally, maybe being in Oakdale for the summer will help me say goodbye to Dusty. I miss him so much is hurts. I just hope they find him and maybe we can pick up where we left off. A girl can dream, right?

Cape Cod

It's Spring Break and I'm here in beautiful Cape Cod, Massachusettes. My friends and I went to the beach today, but we only played football, looked for shells, and had a picnic since the water is so cold. We're going out for lobster tonight and I can't wait! YUM! Alison called the other night and we talked for two and a half hours about Williams, Seattle, Oakdale, and rehashed old memories. I also talked to Aaron for awhile. It was so good to hear their voices again. Spring Break's been great, it's been nice to get my mind off of all the things that have happened lately both at school with work and in Oakdale with Dusty. I don't know why, but I just don't feel like he's gone. I always thought I'd know if he was to ever leave me because I would feel so empty. Dusty and I are more connected than any two people on this planet. I think I'd know if he was really gone. It's like I expect him to just appear out of nowhere, alive and well. Crazy, huh?

Life and Family

I have a lot to get off my chest, so I guess I'll post twice today. Dusty's death has really hit me hard and it's made me think alot lately about what I want to do with my life and re-evaluate what's important to me. Family comes number one for me. I miss them so much. Seeing my mother here in Massachusettes has been great. I've really missed her since I've been away. Even though he's done so many horrible things, I deeply miss my father. I love him so much and I know he loves me more than anything. I just wish I could see him. I'll never take my family for granted, they mean too much to me. I hope they know that. I don't know what I'd do if I lost them too.

Rest in Peace, My Love

What am I going to do? I can't believe Dusty is gone, just like that. The love of my life, dead before I could tell him how much I still, and always will, love him. I haven't told anyone here, because they all assume that I'm over Dusty and, mostly, because I just don't want to talk about it. Nobody here knows Dusty, our relationship, what we've been through together, or what we mean to each other. I cried for about an hour after my grandmother called with the news. Rob knows something is wrong, but what am I supposed to tell him? "I'm sorry, the love of my life that I never got over just died and I'm so heartbroken that I can barely function?" It just feels as though my heart has been ripped out of my chest and I can't make the pain go away. It kills me to think that I'll never see, touch, or kiss him ever again. I'll never feel his arms around me. I'll never feel the electricity between us when we look at each other. To be honest, I guess I've never given up on a future with Dusty even though I know we've both "moved on." I always pictured us married, living in Oakdale with our children. Now, I'll never have that dream. So what am I supposed to do now?

Midterms and Summer Break

So, lately I've been bogged down with midterms for my classes here at Williams. I hate all the pressure that comes with this time in the semester. The only good thing about midterms is that it signifies that half the semester is over and there is only half left until summer break. I can't wait until summer! I have an awesome road trip planned with Alison and Aaron on the west coast. I can't wait to go to the beach because it's crazy cold here in Massachusettes in the winter. I need some sun, warm weather, the beach, and a good book. Yeah, that sounds like the life! Beach, here I come!

Paul Ryan

I guess this is old news, but I've been thinking about Paul's suicide lately. It just seems so weird. A long time ago, I had a huge crush on Paul, and I thought we should be together. And now he's killed himself. I guess I just never thought that would be something Paul would do. All I know is what Grandmother has told me. He kept my little brother away from his mother and it almost ruined Jennifer's life. But, all this just doesn't add up. It doesn't explain why would Paul just go and kill himself. It seems to me he would try and do anything to get back in Jen's good graces. It doesn't make any sense. Not to mention, I was told that no body was found. How can the Oakdale PD say Paul committed suicide when there is no body?! Shouldn't Lieutenant Munson know better than to close a case when there isn't a body? I mean, it wouldn't be the first time someone was presumed dead in Oakdale only to show up alive and well. In fact, it's happened to Paul once before! Then again, this is the same Lieutenant Munson who chased Alison, Aaron, and I all over the country trying to arrest Aaron for a crime his own son, Will Munson, committed.

Poor Katie

I feel so horrible for my aunt Katie. She called today to check up on me and she told me that Mike had to go to Europe for a couple weeks to help his brother, Mark, with a construction project in Latvia. They are in the middle of planning their long overdue wedding and now Katie has to plan it alone? I feel really bad for her. She loves Mike sooooo much, I know she's going to miss him terribly. I only hope that the weeks pass by fast, so that Katie won't be too lonely without the love of her life. She's been burned by former loves, and Mike is a dream come true for her. I know they'll be very happy together. I hope Katie gets the wedding of her dreams, she definitely deserves it.